Dating and Hooking Up
Dating is complicated – most of the time, even adults can’t figure it out!
Are you going out with someone, or thinking about it? 💭
Or are you dealing with a crush? Or maybe you’re not that interested in dating. No matter what, dating looks different for everyone. It can be fun, stressful, confusing, or all three at once!
Here are some things that can help a guy think through getting close to someone else.
What do you want to get from dating someone?
What do you want from having a boyfriend (or girlfriend), or hooking up? What does the other person want?
Even though it can be awkward, the best way for guys to find out what they want is for each person to talk about their expectations. Every relationship is unique, and they rarely look like the ones you see on TV or in the movies… even though there sometimes is a bit of drama along the way!
Either way, if you’re honest, careful, and communicate with the other person, dating can go way smoother. Instead of building up an idea of what another guy could be, take the time to get to know each other. Respect each other’s boundaries and care for each other. Think about what your needs are, rather than focus on who you want your partner to be. You might be surprised what you discover!
Sex is about feeling pleasure, which can include not just your body, but also your heart and mind.
Some guys start having sex or fooling around with other people pretty early on. Other guys might wait till later or might not be ready, and some guys just aren’t into sex at all. Any one of these is totally okay and healthy.
For some guys, having a crush, chatting online, going on dates, and spending time together comes first, before anything physical. Learning to trust and talk to someone first can be important for some guys to feel ready to have sex.
Other times, guys might be hooking up or having sex outside of dating, friendship or going out. For guys who like guys, having sex without dating happens more often. Keep in mind that not every guy who fools around with guys is “out”, or comfortable with dating.
Having sex with someone you’re dating when you’re ready can feel really amazing! Sex involves trust, privacy, and a special kind of connection, so it can be a big part of a relationship. Talking through things like sexual health and what you like and don’t like can sometimes feel awkward, but will definitely lead to better sex and easier relationships.
What are you into? 🔥
Masturbation: Many guys masturbate or “jerk off”, meaning rubbing their dick or genitals in ways that feel good, often until they have an orgasm, or “cum”. Lots of guys fantasize or think about sexy situations, or look at images and videos that turn them on. There’s nothing wrong with this at all — actually, it’s pretty normal!
Sex with others: Making out, jerking off together, or more involved stuff like anal sex or blow jobs can all feel really good, new, and exciting. But sex can also feel confusing, weird, even painful sometimes. No wonder people talk about it all the time! It’s important for you to take the time you need to figure out what you like. Sex should be enjoyable for everyone!
Privacy: For guys who like guys, sex might be something you feel you have to keep a secret. Sex is normal, and there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it. You don’t have to tell anyone what you’re doing in private if you don’t want to, but you also don’t have to feel guilty about trying things out.
Turn-ons: If you’re having sex, it’s good to think about where and how you like to be touched, and what feels sexy to you. You should never feel like you’re being forced or pressured into doing anything. Going at your own pace and taking your time to enjoy what you’re feeling, and making sure you like it is key to getting the best out of sex, life and relationships. Check in with your partner regularly to make sure they’re enjoying it too.
Consent: Agreeing to each step along the way during sex is called “consent.” This means that everyone involved knows exactly what they’re getting into, and agree with it and like it. If you or the other person are uncomfortable, or want to stop at any time, listen to each other.
Sex is complicated. It can make us feel really good, but it can also be stressful.
It’s good to know how to have safer sex to prevent yourself from getting HIV and other STIs.
STIs, “sexually transmitted infections,” can be passed between guys during sex. The most common STI symptom is no symptom, especially for people with penises. The only way to know for sure that you have an STI is to get tested.
Keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary with your junk. If your dick is leaking fluid or itchy, or if any of your stuff down there has red bumps or lumps, talk to a doctor to get a test and some treatment. When you go to get tested, they will ask you a few questions about the kind of sex you’ve had and what your symptoms are – be honest, so that they can give you the proper treatment. Their job is to help you, not to judge you!
It’s also worth it to get tested for STIs whenever you go to get your HIV test, since so many STIs don’t have symptoms.
Some common STIs and their symptoms are:
Gonnorhea and chlamydia: These are similar infections that can happen in the penis, vagina, ass or mouth and is passed on through oral, anal, and frontal sex. Common symptoms are “discharge” or fluid leaking out of the penis. However, it is common to have no symptoms at all. It can be cured.
HPV: Most adults have HPV. Sometimes it can make warts appear on the penis, ass, or vagina. There is no cure for HPV, but you can treat warts. There is also a vaccine for men that prevents some common forms of HPV, which you can ask your doctor about.
Herpes: Herpes also can cause warts to appear on the penis, ass, or vagina.
Syphilis: Syphilis looks different depending on how long a person has it. It normally shows up as hard, round spots or sores, on the penis, ass or mouth. It can later can include a rash or fever. It is passed on through oral, anal, and frontal sex where a person comes in contact with one of these sores. Syphilis can be cured.
Most STIs can be treated and cured successfully, and it’s easier to take care of them if you get medicine right away. The longer an STI gets untreated, the higher the risk of getting HIV. Check out our page about HIV for more info.
Trans guys have a few extra things to think about when it comes to sexual health.
Trans guys still need to get pap smears to look out for cervical cancer, as well as using birth control to prevent pregnancy. It can also feel awkward to get tested as a trans guy. Check out this site for some tips for trans guys on getting tested.
When it comes to sexual health, it’s worth taking a minute to think: What do you want out of your sex life or your dating life? Thinking it through can help with your overall well-being. That’s what most of this website is about — helping you figure out how sex fits into your life, health, and happiness as a guy who likes guys.
If you’re having sex, read up on the tools you can use to take care of your health, like condoms and getting tested.
Getting rejected can really suck. Finding out your crush doesn’t like you back, getting dumped, or feeling left out can be the worst.
And rejection doesn’t just happen in dating – it can also happen with friends, family, and school. Getting rejected can be really personal and feel like you’re not good enough because of your body, your personality, or your background.
Most of the time, rejection has nothing to do with you. So don’t be hard on yourself and give yourself time to heal. Often, people have to push others away because of something they’re feeling inside themselves, not because there’s something wrong with you. No matter who you are, you’ve got something to offer and you’ll have new opportunities down the road.
It takes time to get over the bad feelings that come with being rejected, but there are a few things that can help you heal.
- Work it out – Exercise like walking, running, dancing, or sports can be a great way to get rid of stress and take bad feelings out of your mind and body.
- Talk it out – Many people have gone through rejection, even if the situation was different. Talking to someone you trust about your feelings can make you feel supported and help you remember that this is normal.
- Express it out – Put what you’re feeling into words, music, art, poetry, or other forms of expression. When everything is spinning around inside your head, it’s hard to let it go away as quickly. Expressing the stuff you’re feeling and the questions you have can help make things stay still, or can help you look at it and think about it from a different angle.
Everyone experiences little rejections all the time — disagreements about plans, people who don’t text back, getting lower grades, that kind of thing. Getting used to those little rejections can make it easier to deal with bigger ones. Remember, getting rejected is only the result of being brave and taking risks. Sometimes those don’t work out, but other times, they lead to big wins!
Whether it’s on social media, websites, apps or wherever else, we’re constantly connected.
Chatting online is one way to talk about who you are and what you like with people who understand you. Lots of guys meet other guys online for friendships, dating, hookups, or relationships.
Apps are a popular way for guys to meet each other. … And you know we’re not talking about Candy Crush! 😜
Guys use apps to hook up, but also to meet friends and dates. You have to be 18 years old or older to use most of them.
Here are a few tips to stay safe and make the best of your experience with apps:
Check in with yourself first! Understand what your expectations are before using apps and what you’re hoping to get out of the apps. Take the time to check in with your own emotional state. Using dating and hookup apps can be a very different experience if you’re feeling bored, lonely, sad, or rejected, compared to if you’re feeling horny, confident, happy, or fulfilled.
Take it slow! Learning your way around the apps and finding the app that works best for you takes a bit of time.
There are lots of code words on apps you might not know – check out our app slang dictionary! Not all of them are nice words, so be careful about which ones you use.
You don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. If you feel uncomfortable or have a bad feeling about someone, trust your instincts and don’t engage with them any further.
Don’t share any of your personal information to people you don’t know yet, like your address, your phone number, your birthday, or your school.
Sharing pictures can be fun and hot! But remember, any picture you send to someone else is no longer in your control. The other guy can now share it, send it or post it wherever and to whomever they want. It’s not okay for them to do that, so make sure you talk about what’s okay and not okay for them to do with your photos or texts. The same thing applies to you when you receive private pictures or texts from someone – you have the responsibility to make sure you respect their privacy and wishes, and always ask for permission before showing them to other people.
Apps can be a great way to talk about what you want to do, what you like, and what kind of sexual health tools you want to use, like condoms and lube. You can also chat about whether a guy knows his HIV status, is on PrEP, or is undetectable.
Play it safe! If you want to meet a guy — and let’s be real, that’s what the apps are for! — think about meeting somewhere in public first, like your local coffee shop or fast food restaurant. That way you can check them out in person in a safer place where there are other people around. It’s also a smart idea to tell someone where your going when you meet a new person. You can text the address of you’re meeting at to a friend so that way someone knows where you are and when to check up on you.
Being online can bring out some behaviours in other guys that could hurt you.
People sometimes make nasty comments about other people’s bodies, profiles, dick size, race, height, performance, or anything else, really.
If you’re being trolled or bullied, you can report that behaviour to the app or the online site.
You have to make the call about whether or not you continue talking to the person. Most of the time, the best thing to do is block these trolls and move on. Just remember that you should always try to be respectful with others.
At the end of the day, apps are supposed to be fun and help you meet new people. If you start realizing that that’s not what you want, maybe it’s time to take a break and find other ways to connect with guys.
For a lot of guys, finding friends who also like guys, or who have similar experiences, can be important or just feel good.
In some cities, you might be able to find an LGBT community centre, a group for queer youth, or even LGBT groups in your school. There are even meet-ups especially for younger guys who like guys who are Black, Indigenous, or people of colour, or who identify as trans. There are also gay sports teams, groups for gay video gamers, workshops for queer artists… you name it!
If you are in the suburbs or far away from a city, it can be harder to find guys who know what it’s like to be into other guys, or other people in the LGBT spectrum. Some people find friends online, on message boards, sites about particular hobbies or fandoms, or on social media. This can be a way to feel less alone even if you think you’re far away from people like you.
Also, remember that other LGBTQ people can become good friends and important supports. Everyone’s experience is unique, but talking with young women or non binary folks who have had to come out or who have queer experience can be just as important as getting to know other guys who like guys.
At the end of the day, you should feel good about the relationships in your life — whether it’s with the people you’re dating, having sex with, or even your relationships with your friends and family.
If you work hard in your relationships, others will also want to work hard and make sure they get along with you.
There’s no perfect recipe for balancing the relationships in your life. As much as we try to respect and communicate with our friends, sex partners, boyfriends, family, we can hurt each other if we’re not careful. So think twice before saying something negative to someone, and always try to think ahead to communicate what feels safe, sexy, respectful, and affirming for you.
Ultimately, the most important relationship is with yourself.
Getting to know and like yourself takes time and effort, so you might want to consider taking yourself on dates too! 😉